‘AGE’ – THE NEW RELIGION?

Funny analogy..no? Of the several things developed and thrown on mankind, Religion was definitely developed not to get you on your spiritual path or attain salvation, but more of a diminutive play thing  to fight over. And it tops the list with Politics, Money, Race, Class, Women. Now if this wasn’t funny enough, people just kept adding banal things to the list! And here comes Age. Think about it. People hold on tight to their age, just like religion. You feel comfortable within the same age group of friends & true to this you find the same comfort within the same religion. But then there are differences as well – for instance I cannot convert you into ‘my age’ or vice versa, that remains sacrosanct!! Hiding one’s age has become the norm, but one doesn’t hide one’s religion.😈 😆 Don’t blame me, I did start of by saying “Funny analogy”…and its just that. I agree, the title maybe a tad bit of an over exaggeration. Quarrels over age may not reach levels of fanaticism as religion or race but ageism is fast catching up! Can people kill over age? No…But who knows?😪

Heard and seen the joke ‘aunty mat bolo’? 😝 People in India will recognise this instantly. In India we have a nice little culture of addressing kids, (our kid’s age mostly) as ‘beta’ (hindi for son or daughter) and people as old as our parents ‘uncle’ & ‘aunty’ as a mark of affection and respect., at least until the 80’s. No prizes for guessing that while the beta has gone out of the window conveniently, uncles and auntys are found in abundance. Everyone is calling everyone that, and not as a mark of respect but to establish a strong sense of distinction (age discrimination rather) between 2 people thereby putting them in a state of conflict before they even begin a relationship. Here in India, try calling  any one ‘aunty’ and be prepared for abuses hurled at you. Harmless puny jokes become serious & contentious and how.

On a Serious note, Ageing renders humans ironic on several levels–

PHYSICAL LEVEL: The most obvious is the physical level: Human beings are embodied selves. With advancing years, however, the bond between body and self can undergo a shift. Doing the simplest of activity becomes difficult as one ages. It is life’s most natural cyclic occurrence beyond one’s control.

While it is true that many aging jokes are blatantly ageist, many are enjoying and perhaps generated by older adults themselves. Such humor puts things in perspective and maybe helps them deal better and rise above their situation by mediating the message that age is not an unmitigated tragedy

SOCIAL LEVEL : The more critical and nerve racking level : With age, the gap grows wider more in our minds between our immediate concerns and those that drive the wider world. With spouses, friends, and other close people around us  ageing, we experience a gradual disengagement from the society and question our very existence. Society by and large does not help in any way either. On the contrary the narrative that has been embedded in humans seems to work well for many : Things like  carefree childhood, marriage and career at a certain age, mid-age, retirement?(WTF), life insurance policies, are nothing but sad narratives given to us humans by humans. As if heading towards mortality wasn’t enough, we have got to deal with the stereotyped demarcations and try and live a happy blissful life within these clearly marked phases of life. (which are age defined)

This has far reaching psychological impact on human brains. For those of you still wondering what the narrative is :

Be ready for skin uplifting cream in mid twenties. Ready to sink into the lowest pit on your 30th birthday and the 40’s and 50’s are barred from enjoying their hard earned wealth and instead focus on planning for the catastrophic end , which is – retirement. Above 60’s , well well, you will only get compassionate glances or seats offered in London tubes. And that is how the vicious cycle begins of a society discriminating basis age and one denying one’s age. It’s not about how we look, but about how people that have influence, assign meaning to how we look. Holding onto one’s age becomes excruciatingly critical, ironical, preposterous and plain sad.

Even though by the time we enter adulthood we do know that these assumptions are factually incorrect, … they definitely retain hidden control of our adult experience until significant events reveal them as purely “intellectual fallacies”

Ageism is now said to be even more pervasive, rampant, and entrenched  than sexism and racism. It is an open secret, ageism serves a certain  social and economic purpose and that is to legitimise and sustain inequalities between groups. On a broader and more serious level, well capitalism thrives on this…..old employees are expensive and redundant, youth are cheap and resourceful. Hence concept of retirement and uselessness permeates. On a superficial level, (though equally serious) all the BP’s, hypertension, diabetes, cholesterol, skin issues, balding  that are made to believe are age related are actually and in reality  the result of poor lifestyle choices and hence end up filling stomachs of the pharmaceutical industry.

While science is advancing like never before with improved healthcare for more longevity, people instead of being happier, are in deeper misery and are becoming acutely conscious (in a bad way) about diets and exercise,  as the social pressures regarding age are only increasing. These are all nothing but culminations and fulminations of age obsessed society that has ingrained hard core scripts into our brains.

It is becomes critical to change the wiring of our brains, beat any narrative that takes away the experience of living life. Sound dramatic. Think of it – how many of you can dream of developing a new hobby at 45 or set up a new business at 60? or better yet, do an entire new education, say M.B.A or study law at 50? Only a handful I bet. The reason being, we are hardwired to believe that life is to end sooner than it actually will. The finishing line has been ruthlessly flagged on your face right from the time you were born- specially the solace filled spiritual talks. So at 50/60 when one can actually discover more in /about life , people are actually doing the exact opposite, which is …… (your guess)

We can do with a fresh pair of eyes and not wait for life to begin and end on a narrative.The task of turning inward and taking stock of our unique life narrative is what needs to be achieved.

Some mindful small gestures that we can practise: No more of those “funny” ageist birthday cards. No more age-related compliments. No more lies on the résume and no more lying on dating apps. 19,29,39,49,59!!

Signing off with the famous yet funny quote ‘Age is simply Mind over Matter’. If you don’t mind it, it doesn’t really matter. You wont be this age again, so enjoy it to the hilt.❤️ 😇

Author: Bhavna Gupta Patel