NEW AGE EMOTIONS and why positivity is overrated

“Mirroring”- Is a scientific term identified by Neurobiologists as a strong primal neural route in human brains, during interaction with others. In a connected age, the mirror gets bigger. Want to know more?

Okay simply put, we mirror other people’s emotions instinctively. So if a person gives us his opinion on a matter but in an aggressive tone and while we are happy and busy entrenching each other’s opposing views, we have instantly mirrored his emotional state. That is what is terrifying and that is what this post is about.

For those who are already cringing, please do not read this further, as this is not a ‘feel good post’. It is not informative but soul stirring, not humorous but ironical and not preachy but  eye opening.

Bullying, Judging, Mocking, Belittling, Micro aggression, Passive aggression, Silent treatment, Verbal aggression, Relational aggression, and subsequent fall outs of these are anxiety disorders, depression and other serious mental health issues!! Welcome to the new age negative emotions. Please be honest, how many of the above were you not even cognisant about?

Well, the older negative emotions, that we were taught/warned about in school, anger, jealousy, sadness guilt, physical abuse are still very much there. These were not only easier in pronunciation and spellings but also in comprehension of the terms and knowing when you are being subjected to one. You could instantly tell if your teacher is angry or your friend is jealous or someone slapped you. Believe me, now, I feel these were better and easily dealt with. In fact they almost sound positive to me, like soft knocks on my head, a little tickle here, a little ruffle there…funny? no?

The new age ones have taken years to develop and have bit by bit permeated our society, our souls, our very being and how? It only goes to show how complicated we as beings have become, spinning webs in our already complex mind structure, how tenuous our values have become, and how we have forgotten to live life simply- and a major portion of it can be attributed to “Mirroring”.

Bullying was a word which more often than not was used to describe at the most, seniors in school punching juniors or unhealthy competition with peers in playgrounds. Now 12 yr olds use knives and pistols to establish bullying like never before. Ragging in Colleges for fun took and ugly turn when suicides of young budding students came to light. Ok let’s leave the weapons aside and talk of just the tongue, constant verbal aggression, mocking, demeaning has serious long lasting effects on people to the extent that they slip into lifelong disorders, fears, some traumatised for life. Bullying follows you to your job. Your seniors waiting to pounce on your new ideas and presentations ……that smirk, that smug look, pointing your flaws but wrapped in patronising advises…tell me you can’t recall at least 5 such people at your workplace. Belittling and undermining and making a person feel small, for anything, his provenance, his language, background, his achievements, not because that is the truth in any way but because of the attacker’s own insecurity.

Micro aggression? For the uninitiated, it means the tiniest way to exhibit racism. With laws getting stricter people will not openly attack you. But have you experienced ever, that one disdainful look from a white, a slight uncomfortable shift in body language of a superior race, when around you? Yeah that’s micro aggression. And don’t brush it off aside thinking it’s a small act. Imagine a dozen  of such tiny encounters in one single day on a walk in London. No amount of shopping on Oxford Street can take away what you just felt.

People these days have taken well to sophistication- they don’t shout or yell, lest you call them mad. So they keep seething and simmering with anger and Oh hell, if you are around them, you will feel every ounce of that energy circulating around you. Welcome to Passive aggression and Silent treatment.

If they are jealous of you, they will most likely get into relational aggression which is spreading rumours about you or judge you ruthlessly in front of others.

Over the years people have learnt to conceal their real emotions, but the manifestation has to happen right, so the seemingly bad emotions branched to smarter/tactful display of other emotions, that look harmless on the face of it, but are worse than the overtly displayed emotions. These emotions according to me are more grave and intense & hence seriously damaging as they drive people to the edge, to death. Devil no longer is your two horned, evil smiling, monster roaming around. He is your next door neighbour, your closest friend maybe, peers, colleagues, someone in family, emotional bullying spouse, that no so funny business partner or my friend, YOU. (Yes, all the so called propagandists of Positivity, who keep saying ‘throw negative people out of your life”- well, I have news, we all are as guilty and its time we stop blaming people around us.)

It is time for some moral reflection. Are we in any way exhibiting any of these traits, do we want our children to carry any such values or remotely condone them. Lets nip it in the bud, right here, right now.

When you hear people beaming and saying ‘stay positive, think positive’ – It really does not click. It is hard to remain positive when all that is brewing around you are emotions such as these and you know you are all connected.  So mirrors or no mirrors, I strongly believe that we as individuals are all inter connected at a higher spiritual level. That we don’t know and cannot feel, is obvious for other reasons. (left for another post). But that certainly may be the reason why we feel  we are breaking down as a society that maybe undergoing a colossal nervous breakdown. ? There may be no panacea or utopia amid the chaos but if we do know we are responsible for this breakdown and our feelings are no longer just our business, shouldn’t we simply be correcting that, at our individual level and do society and all of us a favour?

And that’s why my friends I keep referring to Cognitive Dissonance.

Author: Bhavna Gupta Patel