COGNITIVE DISSONANCE

However incomprehensible or a jargon the above words may sound, the meaning is relatively simple..

It means disharmony or discordance in mind due to an erosion of  a deep embedded value (in our heads since long) which now means nothing – or  has a new replacement value! (more like tossing old out of the window, and letting new in through the door).

Having lived on the planet for a relatively long time and having what you call ‘experiences, I have lately felt cognitive dissonance in almost all my social  values. All the values that I was taught and I so strongly upheld for a long period of time are now leaving me flummoxed and utterly clueless. These values /principles helped distinguish right from wrong and formed  more often than not, a guiding principle to live life , to manage your relationships, after all, doing right is good, makes you feel good.  I may have forgotten the Math and Science taught in school, but morals are intact! So when you see a lot of people around you functioning on different levels of  morals and values, your initial reaction is to pass of these as small aberrations, however as you grow in life (age wise) you realise your value system is pretty redundant, to say the least. What is going around you, (in the name of values) seems to be predominant, seems to be popular and seems to be the norm. When did I miss all this.

Many people here may argue that everyone has a different set of values, you cannot generalise, what works for one may not work for the other, what is good for one is not good for the other, etc etc, blah blah, To them I can say, yes true and the truth will unveil itself . Let us dissect each of these values for the fun and the seriousness of it both. Some harmless , some profound .

Old Value: Do not waste food. Think about the poor people  who struggle for a morsel. New Value: Your body is your temple. Don’t fill it up with anything , just because you have to finish your plate.

This one is easy to understand, with changing times people getting better off and poverty may soon become a distant reality, this learning may lose its relevance. However, by and large food should not be wasted. Whatever the value you follow, wastage is unacceptable.

Old : Be Selfless. Love other New : Love yourself first

This one is confusing. So what exactly are we talking of, what is loving yourself mean, become a narcissist or feed yourself before you feed your family?  Nope , not happening for me. Means neither do I understand this , nor could I follow this.

Old: Trust people. New: Haha, lets not even go there. Trust what is that?

So when do you begin your trust journey. The minute you meet someone , take them on face value and then trust immediately after OR get to know them better for a few years and then develop trust..Well here is the news, in both cases you are screwed.

Anyone and everyone who is your friend, acquaintance or in relation is either because you were born in the same family or because they have an ulterior motive. There is no room for another explanation. This by no means is a pessimistic view, but rather is a taste of  changing values. Yup we are talking exactly about that!

Old: Relatives you cannot choose,but friends you can. New: You can still choose your friends but slowly you will have to settle for the excess baggage ( go back to point 3 on trust).

You are stuck to friends even if you don’t like them, as you are in need of them, as you feel its ok to take crap as long as you are accepted in a circle. You will do anything to “Fit in a circle” So you are actually no longer choosing your friends. You end up with anyone who is willing to be your friend or is somehow fulfilling some need of yours, social security, financial, emotional and maybe sexual (friends with benefits).What happened to the good old, fun friendship, just pure  simple fun, goofing around?  Maybe time to look back to relatives? 🙂

Old: Be transparent and honest always New: Show you are transparent and honest

but secretly work on covering up the real you which is not so good- works well for many as pretence is widely applauded and accepted. Muah, muah, love you, miss you babes!! Its sad to see people build their relations on this alone actually., and then see it crumbling before their eyes.

Old: Flattery will not get you far in Life New: Flattery has taken such mammoth proportions that this word deserves an upgrade and is now called “ sycophancy”.

I have seen, witnessed ,experienced people relishing & gloating in flattery and giving preference to friends, juniors, colleagues, just about anyone, who can butter them up real well. Damn talent and Damn the 2am friends. The best part is they know it’s a sham, they know the truth, but yet they continue enjoying this dish served with butter?And believe me, if you master this trait it can get you really far in life.

Old: Hard work always pays New: Rephrase to smartness always pays.

Now call it smart in bad way, (not the intelligent smart, but the clever manipulative smart) if you are smart, you can pretend to be hardworking ,take wrongful credit, and a number of other things. It shows confidence, it shows a lot of other things and O yes it will pay you well, sooner than later.

Old: Forgive and Forget New: Forgive maybe…But forget never

Its surprising really that how memory retention is at its best where grudges are concerned. Not only do people hold the smallest of grudges for the longest time ever, even trivia ends up becoming the deciding factor for relationships. So you never know when this one will come and bite you back in the A**.

Old: Be Kind and Compassionate New: Be kind and compassionate and  talk/post about it.

This is like a  secret, unsaid, unspoken, intrinsic value that humans are just supposed to have- No? I mean we don’t  really know who is kind and who is not but when you talk about it and that too on social media, this suddenly is no longer a moral value worth talking about. I don’t mean to judge people but just like you wouldn’t post or talk about brushing your teeth or going to bed, don’t about this either.

Old: Saying Sorry does not make you Small. Always be the first to apologise New: Excuse Me, Saying sorry will completely change the power equation in any relationship. Husband-wife, friends, boss-subordinate, parent-child.

Sorry means conceding defeat, it  could mean weakness, so continue passing the buck around and if push comes to shove and you must say something, try  : ‘My Bad’ what is that actually? Almost sorry ? OR a ‘lesser blow to ego’ sorry?

Old: Respect your elders New: How do you identify your elders? And Hell, they are better off without the respect.

This one is funny. Awareness about health and food has never been more prevalent. People are taking care of themselves and it shows. People feel youthful and nice and yes, why not. So firstly there is a blur now between the 20’s 30’s 40’s 50’s and so on. So yes while some may get away with looking young , what about the seemingly old, old people. Why don’t they accept respect (wow that rhymed). I must share this incident. I have a couple of these in fact, offering seat to elderly people in public places or transportation, to like someone in their 60’s, is the most basic of all  courtesies. However to my shock, some of them outrightly denied the offer, some took instant offence and clarified ‘Im not that old’. Has it always been like this or I have started noticing this more often. Safest is to keep your respect for the debilitated octogenarians. Nothing in between will work.

Guess what: The one single value that hasn’t changed and I doubt will ever change is the Law of Karm. What you sow, you reap, what goes around,comes back? Well, that decided it for me and I knew exactly what values I need to continue following. Amen to that! Signing off until my next, see you people!!

Author: Bhavna Gupta Patel